Ask most people, and they can remember a bully from their childhood. Bullying is unfortunately part of the landscape in many school settings. We have come a long way toward building awareness and working on prevention. October, for example, is National Bullying Prevention Month. But the bullies are still out there.
A million years ago, when I was in sixth grade, a girl we’ll call Lisa used to pass me notes between classes, detailing all the ways she planned on beating me up at lunch or after school. I got really good at hiding. Fortunately, I switched middle schools the next year, and Lisa was out of my life. Now we have social media, and young bullies rely heavily on it to keep their victims from escaping.
The scary part is that young bullies often grow up to be adult bullies, and they can make life a living hell. I had a work bully who took credit for my work, spread horrible and untrue gossip about me, and made sure I was left out of staff activities outside of work.
A 2017 Harris Poll found that nearly a third of American adults reported being bullied. It happens everywhere: in homes, social circles, online and in workplaces. A majority of those who experience adult bullying report that it happens at work. You don’t have to be a boss to be a bully, either. Co-workers can try to undermine your success, spread rumors and false information, or take credit for your work. Some bullies are simply happy to make you feel excluded by leaving you out of events or social gatherings.
This goes beyond someone taking your lunch money or calling you an insulting nickname. Bullying can be physical, verbal or social, and it can happen face-to-face or online. Bullies have a variety
of goals, from inflicting physical pain to destroying their target’s reputation to exerting control
over people or situations.
No matter the victim’s age, the effects on a person’s life are often the same: stress, anxiety, depression or sleep loss, sometimes all of the above. Bullying can cause adults and kids to miss work and school.
So, how can we prevent this, even if we are not targeted by bullies? For starters, instead of being a bystander when bullying is happening, be what they call an “upstander.” This means telling bullies to stop, not co-signing their behavior and offering support to people who are being bullied.
Bullies have a gift for making people feel powerless and afraid. By intervening on behalf of victims, we take away some of the bully’s power. We make it harder for them to continue their behavior because we let them know they aren’t fooling anyone.
When I was a kid, I was told to get thicker skin and not to let bullies get to me. Sometimes that is easier said than done. The greatest power bullies have is getting their victims to feel isolated and alone. Just by standing up, you can let them know someone cares.
From the playground to the boardroom, bullies will do their thing. But when those of us on the outside stand firm, we take some of their power away.
Do Something Nice Day is October 5. Your nice deed can be as simple as standing up and saying, “No more,” when you witness bullying.
An Emmy-nominated anchor/meteorologist/reporter at FOX66 and NBC25, Leslie Toldo recently retired from TV news after a career of over 30 years, nearly 20 in Flint. She is a blogger, writer, wedding and funeral officiant. Born and raised in Baton Rouge, LA, she graduated from the University of Wyoming. An avid kayaker, boater and runner, Leslie lives in Linden with her husband, Ellie the cat and three dogs: Henry, Gus and Lucy.
