This year, Mother’s Day in my family will not be just about me, but also my daughter-in-law, Jane, my son Sean’s wife. They welcomed their son into the world just before Christmas last year and he will soon be five months old.
Undoubtedly, Jane has already discovered that little boys are amazing. Right now, they are in the “baby eats, the baby sleeps and the baby soils diapers – a lot of diapers” phase. He has already started his journey of learning. Thankfully, he is a happy, healthy boy.
What Jane will realize over the next several years is that her heart is no longer her own. Her awe of her son will grow with every milestone. She will be genuinely delighted when he says “Mama” for the first time, when he takes his first steps and comes to his mommy with a fistful of dandelions. She will only be slightly annoyed, but secretly amused when she tries to use the bathroom and little fingers reach under the door. “What you doing in there, Mommy?” She will be puzzled when he lifts his legs and says, “Smell my feet, Mommy!” before bursting into a fit of giggles. I still have no idea why, but they all do it. Then, there are the endless “whys” like “Why is the grass green?” and “Why is the sky blue?”
Jane will be her son’s first love. She may be surprised when he wants Daddy out of the picture so he can marry her – at the ripe old age of five. He will be crushed the first time he sees her cry and do anything to make her happy again.
With motherhood, there also will be many periods of fear. She will be afraid when his temperature spikes, when he starts riding a bicycle, when he starts school, when he plays sports, when he stays home alone for the first time, when he goes on his first date, when he starts driving a car, when he goes off to college alone, and when he gets married. She will do her best to mask all that fear with a smile and encouraging words.
As a grandmother, I vow to try and respect her wishes and not interfere with her decisions. This is her son. But I do hope she will understand when I share some of my beliefs. One example, at the risk of sounding like Father Flanagan of “Boys Town” is “There is no such thing as a bad boy…” Words matter – so please don’t ever tell him he’s a bad boy. Instead, quietly tell him he made a mistake, and mistakes have consequences.
Happy first Mother’s Day to Jane and all the new mamas out there! Enjoy the ride and always remember: you married my baby boy, and I could not be happier about that.
