Spring Cleaning My Thoughts



The best moment of the past month was seeing the first-ever image of an actual black hole 55 million light years away. How amazing was that? That’s the kind of thing that restores my faith in humanity. We can be really, really smart and cool when we want to be. One news report described black holes as “the universe’s most powerful vacuum.” I’ll bet it still doesn’t work very well on pet hair.

Here are a few more things cluttering up my brain:

  • I got an email from a car dealership with this in the subject line: “Regarding your recent service experience.” Experience? I didn’t have an experience. I had an oil change. Not everything is an “experience.” In fact, few things are.
  • Why do some websites not put their phone number, address and hours at the top where it’s easy to find? That’s the main reason most people GO to websites, for crying out loud. Why do I have to do a scavenger hunt for basic info – because your web designer thought it looked nicer to hide that stuff?
  • “Journey” is suddenly an annoyingly popular buzzword. People don’t have careers, lives, relationships, projects or medical problems anymore, they have “journeys.” As in: “Boy, getting the dog in for his de-worming was quite the journey.” Really? I’m going on a vacation soon, which involves travel, meaning it’s an actual journey. I think I’ll stick to calling it a vacation, though.
  • Gas is pricey again. It sucks, of course, but within ten years, no one will care. By then, electric cars will be the norm. Kiss gas-gouging goodbye. What will OPEC hold over the world’s head then?
  • Just saw that Head East is playing at a casino in Michigan next month. You’re probably saying, “Who’s that?” Head East is the first rock band I ever saw in concert. It was in a metal pole barn at the U.P. State Fairgrounds in Escanaba back in the ‘70s. If you’re interested in what a rock concert in a pole barn sounds like, crank your iPhone speaker up to max, stick it in a Maxwell House coffee can and place the can over your ear. Head East’s biggest and I think only hit was “Never Been Any Reason.” I loved it then. I love it now. Great guitar, ridiculous synthesizer jams, plus a brief but most excellent cow bell solo. Duuude!
  • The headline said, “Pot-infused edibles ready to flood Michigan.” I’m not against Michigan’s legalization of pot, so why does the notion of someday seeing pot edibles on the counter next to the M&Ms at 7-11 bother me?
  • Is saying to someone, “Are you tired? You look tired.” the worst thing you can say to someone or just somewhere in the Top 10?
  • The Paris Olympics just added break dancing as a sport. That involves sweat and movement. So, is that a sport? No. How do I know? Because it’s dumb. Dumb things aren’t sports. Except for maybe curling. And ballroom dancing. And soccer. And archery. And rhythmic gymnastics. And whatever the hell jai alai is. And … okay, so maybe I don’t have a point here. Everything’s a sport and we’re all athletes. You happy now?
  • “Spring is nature’s way of saying, ‘Let’s Party!’” – Robin Williams

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