Biff Tannen, Regina George, Scut Farkus, Johnny Lawrence. If any of those names sound familiar, there is a good reason. They are all famous movie bullies – the antagonists we loved to hate because they tormented our beloved good guys.
I can still remember sitting in the movie theater, watching “Back to the Future” and cheering as George McFly mustered the courage to curl up his fist and throw a punch at Biff Tannen. I nearly tossed my popcorn and Milk Duds at the screen as I watched Regina George make life miserable for other teenagers in “Mean Girls.” Unfortunately, bullying is a lot different in real life, especially when it comes to how we respond as witnesses. While we become emotionally invested in movie characters, we tend to be indifferent when the victims are real people.
Bullies are scary. I get not wanting to get involved. Whether the victim is a kid losing his lunch money or an adult being gaslit by a jealous co-worker, our typical first instinct is to simply stay out of it. According to stopybulllying.gov, our reluctance to get involved often comes from a place of fear. We do not want the bully to retaliate or make us his or her next target.
“No matter the victim’s age, bullying can take the same toll.”
If you witness bullying, however, you can make a real difference by choosing to be an “upstander” rather than a mere bystander, according to stopbullying.gov. You do not have to exchange blows with the bully, but you can question the bully’s behavior, use humor to try to diffuse the situation, and reach out to the person being bullied. Walk with them, talk to them, ask how you can help. Ignoring what is happening will not stop a bully; but standing together against a bully with other upstanders can have a big impact.
While estimates show that 20 to 30 percent of school aged kids report being bullied, this is hardly a kid problem. Roughly 40 percent of Americans report being bullied as adults. No matter the victim’s age, bullying can take the same toll. People who are bullied, whether on the playground or at the office, often feel helpless and humiliated, worry that taking action may make the situation worse, lose sleep and isolate, and live in fear. It is no way to live.
Throughout fourth and fifth grade, I found myself at the mercy of a bully named Faye. Female bullies tend to attack emotionally rather than physically, but Faye came at me from all sides. She had boys beat me up on the playground, while she battered me with constant jabs and insults. She made sure she knew about parties and other events I was not invited to and frequently prank-called my house late at night. I used to dread each new school day. Teachers, other kids, even parents knew what was happening, but no one said a word.
Silence is not the antidote for bullying. Action is. October 9 is National Stop Bullying Day, but every day should be a day of awareness about this problem that just won’t go away. We all have the power to make a real difference to the thousands of people who lie awake at night feeling helpless and alone. All we need to do is summon all of the empathy we have for movie characters and we can have an impact that is real and meaningful.
