Do you remember the TV show “Kids Say the Darndest Things?” It was a half-hour show hosted by Bill Cosby from 1998-2000. Art Linkletter, whose popular segment of the same name appeared on his “House Party” show from 1957-1970, was a regular contributor on Cosby’s program. What some of those kids would say really cracked me up!
What got me thinking about that show was something I recently read on Facebook about a grandmother visiting her grandson. Every morning, he would bring her a cup of coffee. One day, she asked him, “Honey, why is there a toy Army man in my coffee?” Her grandson replied, “Grandma, it’s like the commercial says: ‘the best part of waking up is soldiers (Folgers) in your cup.’”
This got my friend Vera and I talking about some of the things our kids said when they were young. When my daughter was little, I took her to the doctor because she had a sore throat and a fever. After looking at her throat, the doctor told her she had bronchitis. When we got home, she ran to the nearest mirror, opened her mouth very wide, looking inside for something. I asked her what she was doing. “I’m looking for the brown kites, mom. The doctor said I have brown kites in my throat!”
When my son Matt was five years old, we all went to Bill Knapp’s for a family birthday celebration. On the kid’s menu, each meal was named after an animal – lion, giraffe, bear, elephant, seal and zebra. When Matt’s meal was served to him, he was very upset. “What’s wrong?” I asked him. “This isn’t what I wanted,” he said. “This is fried chicken. I ordered the zebra.”
When Vera’s son Willy was four years old, he said to her, “I’m so hungry, my body is gonna eat myself.” When her oldest son Sean was five, they were driving around town and he asked her what the Sharp Funeral Home building was. She told him that’s where they took his grandpa after he died so that his family and friends could pray and say good-bye to him. She asked him if he was angry that she didn’t take him to that event. He said, “No,” but then a couple of minutes later asked, “Why? Was he naked?”
When my daughter was in first grade, she came home from school and proudly announced that she had memorized the The Pledge of Allegiance and asked if I wanted to hear it. She recited it perfectly and at the end announced very loudly, “Please be seated.”
One day, my daughter was picking up her oldest son (then first-grader) Brennan at the bus stop after school. He was standing with another boy, talking to him. When Brennan got in the car, she asked him if he had made a new friend. “No. He isn’t my friend, just an acquaintance,” he replied. My daughter shook her head and asked, “Do you even know what that means?” Brennan answered, “Yes, it means he is someone I don’t know very well.” (No wonder he was at the top of his graduating class).
Yes, kids really do say the darndest things!